Wednesday, February 8, 2012

In case of zombies

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I've always been very imaginative.

It doesn't always work in my favor.
In fact, I'm not sure it ever works in my favor.

Once, when I was very little, my mom was giving me a bath.
She took the washcloth, swished it through water and said (in a very playful voice, I'm sure),
"Look at the little fishy!  It's gonna get you!" 

After which I began screaming whilst desperately trying to escape the piranha 
that had been unleashed into the bathtub.
No amount of explanations (including showing me the washcloth) 
could convince me that I was not about to be eaten.

This imagination has followed me into adulthood, making it completely impossible to watch scary movies and allowing me to spend vast amounts of time creating elaborate and highly unlikely scenarios in my head.  These include, but are not limited to, magical adventures, what to do in the midst of natural (albeit highly unlikely or sometimes impossible) disasters, ways in which I will suddenly become rich without having to do any kind of work, ways in which to use talents I don't actually have and many other things I don't dare put on paper.

Becoming a mother did not bring about a change in which I automatically grew out of my fear of scary movies (accurately described here) or my tendency to have a wild imagination.


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The other day, as I was flipping through channels,
 I spent about 2 minutes watching some kind of zombie movie.  
Although it didn't scare me, it seemed to set into motion a certain primal instinct.

The instinct of a mother to protect her young.
(Of course.)

weirdo + hyper-active imagination + motherhood + impossible scenario = days spent analyzing how to keep my baby alive in the event of zombie apocalypse.

Now I'm not saying that I lost sleep over it (at least not much) but when I was driving or waiting for the bath to fill or packing the diaper bag, I found myself thinking about how to protect the Peanut from zombies.

How long could I feed him on the food we have in the apartment?
Would we have the necessities to survive on our own?
Where would be the safest place to hide?
How would I keep him quiet at night?
What would I do to protect him?
What could I use to block the windows?
How would we get to B (who was always at work when the apocalypse hit)?

It is true that I realized there were things that I needed in the apartment, like basic food supplies, that I could use in realistic scenarios like an earthquake.  Really though, that was just a by-product of the craziness.

Zombies.
Mmmm-hmmm, protecting my baby from zombies.

The zombie preparation kit.
The Mother's Zombie Apocalypse Survival Kit.

I'll let you know when I'm ready to start marketing my new product.

For now I'm onto bigger ideas, like what I'll do with all the money I win on the lottery I never play.




10 comments:

  1. Oh my. I have had moments like those. I can't watch scarry stuff . . . just cannot do it.

    I learned this a longtime ago . . .
    FEAR . . . False Evidence Appearing Real
    For some reason this calms me.

    Make "Just In Case" plans, for . . . just in case . . .

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    Replies
    1. I used to watch scary movies but I think Craig got tired of me sleeping wedged beneath him while I jump at every little sound :)

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  2. Oh my gosh, this made me LAUGH OUT LOUD. I have the same ridiculous overactive imagination that thinks we NEED to have a stockpile of food and cash and first aid supplies on hand in the event of .... SOMETHING. Loved reading this!

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  3. Lol, Oh my gosh, Dawn, this is SO me! I laughed out loud at the natural disaster thing, because I do it every time. When it is really windy- I am pretty sure it is the end of the world. I don't watch horror movies- I still have nightmares about the first time I watched the terminator! I am surprised I can read though and not be totally freaked out- how did the Hunger Games play into all of this?

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    Replies
    1. I thought about Hunger Games a lot. In fact, I still think about Hunger Games a lot!!

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  4. Crack.me.up! It's funny how having kids makes you analyze scenarious (of various types) like there's no tomorrow! :P Peanut is so adorable, and getting so big! They'll be 18 months before we know it!!!

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  5. Haha this just reminded me of the time (after we saw "The Ring") you tried to scare me with your long hair covering your face but you ended up getting so scared of yourself you had to run and jump in my bed with me :)

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    Replies
    1. HAHAHA! I totally freaked myself out! Craig thinks thats hilarious and he could totally see that happening. I completely remember that night. I miss you!

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