Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Labor Amnesia

I often hear people say that after the baby is born a mother forgets what labor was like.

To which I say



Yes, yes, you are overcome with love for your new little bundle of joy and that may take your mind off your battered, possibly stitched, and definitely swollen nether regions.  

Obviously I consider this all very worth it because I did try for 2 years to have another baby but

Labor Sucks.

And I don't like pain.  I'm not going to lie.
I'm not going to try and go without drugs.
And I haven't forgotten what it was like.

Seriously, I would need to suffer a special type of amnesia to forget labor.  And I had an epidural.  So perhaps I'm just remembering the first part of active labor and the aftermath.

Oh the aftermath

So with 19 days until due date, I'm here to say, 
I know what's coming and I'm not exactly looking forward to it.

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Art Interpretation… and immaturity


I spend a lot of time sitting in the waiting area of Women's Health, 
Obstetrics and Gynecology at Kaiser.  

I often sit and ponder the fine art displayed for our viewing pleasure.

And I'm always giggling.


Because you know, maybe it's just me,
or maybe it's just that it's displayed on the gynecology floor,
but I cannot keep a straight face when gazing at this artwork.

I often look around to see if anyone else is thinking what I'm thinking.
I never see anyone pointing and laughing.  Or looking perplexed.

So I had to wait until there was an empty waiting room to snap these pictures with my phone.

Because I think of only one thing when I look at these….



Is this woman trying to climb back in?
Is she going to pull a baby out?
Did she lose something in there?


In case you were wondering what the artist was thinking,
Ms. Gibbons was creating artwork about swimmers.

So there you have it.
I'm about to have my second child and I have the maturity of a 13 year old boy.

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Cloth Diapering, Let's Do It

When Peanut was little we did a bit of cloth diapering.
Mostly we did gDiapers (what he's wearing above) because it had the option of flushable inserts.

We were in an apartment without our own washing machine which made it
 harder to handle the diapering.

I still feel good about it.  I figure every time I used a cloth diaper, even just once, we were saving the environment and our money.

This time I'm more determined to cloth diaper.
We have a washing machine here and well, diapers are freaking expensive.

Yeah, yeah, the poop.  I know it freaks a lot of people out.
Poop doesn't freak me out people.  
There is inevitably poop on things, cloth diapering or not.

I'm more worried about finding spiders and beetles in Peanut's pockets.
This is a realistic fear.  I can handle poop.  Bugs in pockets is much worse.

I know a lot of families are out there cloth diapering and there are SO MANY options that I'm completely overwhelmed. 

So please. help. me.

What kinds do you use?
How do you store them until wash time?
How do you wash them?
How do you dry them?
How many do I need?
What kind of wipes and wiping products do you use?
Do you clean out your washer in between?
What types of detergent do you use?
What else do I need to know?

I'm excited, give me all your knowledge!

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Baby belly, 27 weeks and growing


Here I am at 27 weeks!
This was 2 1/2 weeks ago and I feel like I've doubled in size.

I'll try to get another picture soon.
My sister took these at my niece's bridal shower which I must post!


The first trimester creeps by so slowly and then about halfway through time just starts accelerating.

Sometimes I get a little sad that we're in the home stretch.


I can't wait to meet the little guy but I also love being pregnant.

I love watching the baby move and feeling him practice his karate.  Most of the time.

I love carrying this baby without really having to do much to care for him.
That sounds terrible but some of you know what I mean.
I've had a newborn, I remember those sleepless…. months.

This is my last pregnancy and I want to remember all of it. 
I'll miss it.

~sniff, sniff~

Monday, June 2, 2014

Do I need all the things?


Here's the thing about a 4 year spread between kids.  
It doesn't seem that long but in parenting years it's really more like 28 years.

Parenting years are like dog years.
Only without all the perks of being a dog, like being fed and bathed and taking naps.
Yeah, parenting years are like dog years without the sleep.

You see, I'm having a hard time remembering what I really need.
NEED.  This word has new meaning with the second child.

After posting on Facebook that I needed bottle suggestions and realizing I still had 45 more questions, 
I thought a blog post might be a better option.

So hit me with all your favorites!


Baby slings:
I'm super excited about the Ergo my lovely Mother-in-law just bought us.
Will that work around the house or is there a sling that doesn't involve me watching a youtube video and being a contortionist to use?

I've seen some of these slings and frankly, they scare me.
Please send help.


I have a newborn seat with a snap and go.
We have a single stroller.
But do I really need a double stroller?
Regular stroller?  Jogging? (and no I don't plan on running with the stroller unless something is physically chasing us)  Tandem?
These suckers are expensive so I need the low down on the stroller situation.


Last time around I bought a rocking chair from Ikea. 
I will never live this down because IT DOESN'T ACTUALLY ROCK.
Did it rock in the store?  I can't remember but it was a disaster and I'd like an actual glider this time.
Are there any attractive gliders out there that don't cost $800?


I did find this rocker that is a chair and a half which might be a cool option so Peanut can sit with us.
But now I'm afraid of rockers, so I'm just not sure.

baby monitor

Our Levana monitor died and the static was horrid anyway.
Although, to be honest, I don't really need sound.  I usually turn it off bc I hear everything, all the time.
But I do need a visual.
I need a camera for the baby and one for Peanut.
Peanut talks and cries and calls for me in his sleep so it's better if I can check the monitor instead of going into his room.
This is a non-negotiable for me because it allows me to wake and glance at the monitors instead of going in there and staring and the children, which I will do!
Temperature would be a nice addition bc I'm always afraid it's too hot or cold but it's not a deal breaker.
Any suggestions?

And what about this Angelcare monitor, awesome or a way to fuel paranoia?
I would still want a visual but I'm curious to see what you all think about it.


Other goods:
Oddly enough when I think of things I need, the first item that pops into my head are the Aden and Anais swaddle blankets.  I use them daily.

What can't you live without?

What else do I need?

Monday, May 26, 2014

Pregnancy after Miscarriage

The first time I got pregnant, I presented B with a gift as soon as he got home.  It was the positive pregnancy test wrapped in a baby blanket with a baby book and we celebrated continuously from that day on.  I might note that this is the only time when gifting someone with something that you've peed on is socially acceptable.

The second time I got pregnant I videotaped Peanut handing B the positive pregnancy test as they lounged on the bed before bath time.  He was surprised, Peanut was oblivious, we were excited.  A week later I had my first miscarriage.

6 months later and I was pregnant again.  I felt really good about this one.  I put a Big Brother shirt on Peanut the next day as an announcement for B.  We celebrated with a smile and a hug and phone call to the doctor to set up an appointment for a positive confirmation.  Our baby never developed to the point of a beating heart.  At 10 weeks and 1 day, I had the D&C that made that miscarriage complete.  Although the first miscarriage seemed more emotionally draining on me, this one was harder on B.  It might have something to do with me going through surgery.  Maybe loading me up post-op gave him flashbacks from cancer treatment?

I always think back to this year as the "year of lost children".  I was driving home from work one day when the phrase popped in my head and it has always stuck with me.  I had 2 miscarriages in 6 months, one of my best friends miscarried, a lovely blog friend had lost dear Little Roo at 20 weeks and it seems like yesterday, a dear friend and family member lost her twin boys at 23 weeks and my neighbor lost their 10 year old son.  And by lost I really mean that these children were snatched from everyone's grasping hands, while we were left standing there stunned and reaching for air.


In December when we found out we were pregnant again, we were about to get in the car to drive from Sacramento to Orange County.  It had been a year since the last pregnancy, 2 years of trying, 2 miscarriages later and this one seemed less a victory and more of a waiting game.  We talked about it quietly a while during the drive but we didn't make any plans.

There are a great deal of very obvious reasons that miscarriage sucks.  Obviously.  One of those reasons is that it robs you of the pure joy and excitement of finding out you're pregnant.  Post-misscarriage pregnancy announcements are made with disclaimers.  Yes, we're so excited, but we'll just wait and see! We're pregnant…keep your fingers crossed this one will stick!  We're pregnant, everything looks good so far….

I caught myself giving almost apologetic looks when I told people I was pregnant.  I'm not sure why. Clearly we were excited but maybe we didn't want to be too excited, just in case?

I spent the first couple months obsessively checking my underwear, the toilet and the toilet paper for blood every time I went to the bathroom.  Aches and pains from a growing uterus were deeply contemplated.  Is this the beginning of cramps for the next miscarriage?  Eventually I eased up.  The first victory was the ultrasound showing us the baby's heartbeat.  Every ultrasound after provides an exhalation when that little heart is still beating.


I was told by countless people that the never-ending amount vomiting during that first trimester was a good sign.  I tried to remind myself that as I kneeled over the toilet daily.  I felt the first flutter at a mere 13 weeks and good consistent movement at 17 weeks.  Ultrasound after ultrasound and things have looked perfect.  But still, B hadn't recovered.  I was truly surprised by this because nothing seems to phase him.  He is perpetually calm, like the house is on fire and he's cruising through picking up a couple things on our way out, calm.  Like maddeningly calm.  I could always tell that he was still waiting for the other shoe to drop.

After each appointment I would beam at him and say, "Don't you feel better now that x,y,z has passed"?  He'd say yes but he's really waiting for the next big milestone.  Before that huge 20 week ultrasound, where they find out all the nitty gritty like complications with the fetus, we had a talk about how to handle any problems we might find out about.


I'll be honest, I think that we were both expecting something to be wrong.  Perhaps some terminal fetal condition.   He just wanted me to be OK and to survive whatever happened.  I just wanted to carry the baby as long as possible, even if the baby didn't make it.  I feel like my one job as a mother is to keep my child alive as long as humanly possible, even if it means going through an entire pregnancy just to say good-bye.  Every month I'm pregnant is another month this baby is being comfortably carried by his mommy.  I respect the fact that not everyone feels this way and understand that people decide not to continue on with their pregnancy.

In the end, everything looked perfect and we found out we were having another little boy.  I feel good and I think that B is breathing easier.  Still in this post-misscarriage pregnancy we have little goals.  26 weeks and the baby will have a really good chance at survival, 30 weeks and we're golden.

I'm 25 weeks along now.  B can feel the baby move all the time, Peanut is talking about his baby brother and I'm happy to chat with strangers about this big baby belly they're all noticing.  Perhaps it hasn't been as big a celebration as I would have liked but it's hard to celebrate when you are walking on eggshells.  Now I feel comfortable and things are feeling real and we're getting more excited by the day!  Not it's time to turn those nursery Pinterest boards into a reality!

~All photos were taken by Adrienne Gunde during my pregnancy with the Peanut!

Sunday, May 11, 2014

And the next one will be...

Taken on Easter (20 weeks, the halfway point!)

Happy Mother's Day everyone!

This year I'm celebrating with my one little boy.

My silly, sweet, sensitive, dirty, energetic, crazy little boy.

But next Mother's Day I'll be celebrating with…... 



Peanut with baby Charlie

As I suspected after watching every ultrasound like a hawk, we're having another little boy.
I knew I saw something there!

So I'm going to be the mom of TWO BOYS,
I can hardly believe it!

The jump from one to two boys seems so hard core.

Double the dirt, double the fun?

Is that how the saying goes?

Meanwhile, I've given up my stash of girls clothes and girls names and girl plans (sigh),
and I'm getting really excited.  I can't wait to see if the two boys look alike or totally different.

  B is over the moon.  He would have been very happy to have a girl but I do recall him starting to talk about having 2 boys before we even had Peanut.

And no, we are not going to be trying for a girl next… are you crazy?
You know we'll end up with 3 boys!
This is it.  2 is perfect and I'm sure we'll have our hands full.


Peanut has been practicing his big brother skills on Boots the dog and Toby the turtle.
He likes to hum the Star Wars theme song to baby Boots to get him to go to sleep.

I need to get a video of that some time soon.
Every infant wants to fall asleep to the Star Wars theme song, right?


Soak it all in Peanut, you have about 17 more weeks to be the baby
before little brother comes in and cramps your style!

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