Friday, January 14, 2011
When mommy has a meltdown
A person can only go so long without a sufficient amount of sleep before things start to crumble around the edges.
As B is working I usually make sure he gets at least 6 or 7 consecutive hours of sleep. After that I would wake him for his turn taking the baby. We had it worked out so that he would wake early and take the baby, allowing me to get some much needed sleep.
In that first month, specifically those first few weeks this was a very difficult task. When the Peanut would wake I would take him into the nursery to feed and change him. As soon as I got the baby back into bed I would sit down to pump.
As I sat there pumping I would watch the minutes passing by.. every minute up was a minute I could have been sleeping. Start to finish the process would take roughly an hour.
I would climb back into bed knowing the baby would be up in 45 minutes to an hour. Just the thought would make we want to cry.
Some nights I would secretly curse at B.... the man who doesn't even wake when the baby is crying 2 feet from him. The man sleeping soundly while I counted the 3 more feedings I would have to endure. Alone. While he slept.
Sure I could just wake him and ask him to take a late night feeding. He wouldn't have minded but that wasn't the point.
How could he not wake up everytime the baby moved let alone cried?!
One particular morning Peanut started to cry. The sun was starting to rise and it was a clear indication it was B's turn to feed and change our baby. But B didn't hear Peanut. As usual. ~huff~
I nudged him and he turned over. He turned over but he did not wake.
So I kicked him. I kicked him and said, "Hey. It's your turn."
He woke up and said OK. But OK wasn't good enough. He was supposed to take the baby so I could sleep. I mean, how could I sleep if he didn't even hear the baby?! How could I sleep if I had to tell him to get up. The baby was crying now and I couldn't sleep when the baby was crying!
GET UP! I mean, I wanted to see him leap from the bed and rush to the bassinet. NOW!
After that B did get up and he did rush to the baby. I turned over and dozed off grumpily.
That's when I heard it. The sound of B talking happily to Peanut. He was sitting in our bed, inches away from me... and he was happy.
My eyes flew open as I waited for the silence to come... the silence that would allow me to sleep. Oh but it didn't come because someone had the nerve to be happily chatting only inches from me.
I'd been up approximately 96 times, raising our child while he was sleeping his life away and now he was trying to drive me crazy. I couldn't stand it anymore. I couldn't stand it just one more second.
I'M TRYING TO SLEEP AND I CAN'T DO THAT WITH YOU RIGHT HERE! I CAN HEAR YOU. I CAN HEAR THE BABY. I JUST NEED SOME SLEEP. WHY CAN'T I JUST HAVE SOME SLEEP!
There may have been some whimpering, some hysterical looks and a few blubbers here and there. All on my part.
So B picked the Peanut up and left the room. He was probably running for cover but he didn't say a word. He's a smart man and he just got out of dodge.
My point? When mommy has a meltdown just nod and smile and back out of the room slowly.
Scratch that... smiling could get you killed in a situation like that. Just nod, apologize for whatever you did wrong (like existing) and get out.
P.S. No B's or Peanut's were injured or permanently damaged in the making of this memory.
P.P.S. I slept for several hours and woke up refreshed and ready to start the day. I did this after apologizing to B and then I warned him to move fast when it's his turn. It was a rollercoaster around here.
P.P.P.S. Peanut slept for 8 straight hours last night. It was bliss.