Monday, September 12, 2011

In which I need a martini, a cigarette and possibly a quaalude.


This post is rushed but I suppose my brain isn't functioning enough to do otherwise anyhow.

The computer at my parent's house is in the same room as the crib.
This has some major disadvantages, like being able to write
when I don't have a fussy baby climbing on me.

Day 1 of nighttime bottle weaning/ sleep training started last night.

I feel like we both deserve some kind of purple heart for making it thru.
Although I don't really feel like I made it through in one piece.

I'm so tired I have that jittery feeling of partying all night and getting no sleep...
that is if by "partying all night" is code for Chinese water torture.

We started a little after the time he's been falling asleep normally (so 10 pm)
and then he cried for an hour, with B checking on him regularly.

I was at the other end of the house,
next to the TV speaker, trying to read a book and not listen to the crying.

When he finally fell asleep I thought that maybe I was going to survive this.
At 10 months old I could deal with some crying.
We could do this!
Think about the nights of sleep we'd get in the future!
I see rainbows in the future!
Tra La La!

About an hour later B & I were in bed.
It's just not the same rest in a bed that isn't your own, you know?
And there was the dog.  Snoring.  Loudly.

And then there was this whole reverse sneezing fiasco.
With me trying to stop Gingerbread from waking Peanut.
And it kept happening.
Over and over again.
If you don't know what I'm talking about check out THIS video.
Now I want you to picture a silent house around 12:30 am and then around 1:15 am
around then sometime in the 2ish area.
Add some frayed nerves. 

And the bed was too soft.
And the house was creaky.
And Peanut's mattress squeaks whenever he moves.

And then he woke up and I went to get his bottle.
I wasn't really worried about this part of the night much.
He had slept about 4 1/2 hours and I thought we were past the worst.

Oh but I was wrong.
After the bottle he cried for 2 hours.
Two. Hours.
2 hours and I had to stop going in to check on him because he would get even more hysterical.
He was dripping sweat and screaming.
Heck, I'm dripping sweat just thinking about it.

Honestly the angrier he was the better I felt.
It was the whimpring and desperate crying that had my nerves exploding.

Eventually he was ready for the next bottle and I woke B up
(who at this point was sleeping peacefull upstairs!!)
I know, can you believe it.
Oh to be blessed with selective hearing.

He took an ounce, cried and screamed some more, while I toyed with the idea of leaving and going...
well to Hawaii or something.
Anywhere with silence and cocktails and without a child I'm torturing.

Eventually he fell asleep for about 30 minutes which was just enough time
for me to remember what it was like when all the muscles in your body unclenched.

I think B & I both sighed in relief.
A great big sigh.
Said sigh must have been so loud it woke up Peanut.
All the muscels in my body reclenched.
I broke out into a cold sweat.

He cried for another 30 mintues and then it was morning!
Good morning!
I'll take 1 pot of coffee via IV please.

I got him up and he played happily for several hours before his first nap.
Like the day was bright and happy and full of new discoveries.

Like he hadn't gotten a mere 5 hours of sleep.

Not that I would know because I had about 4 hours, broken up and fitful.

All I have to say is...
pass me the quaaludes.
Are they for me, for the Peanut or for the damn dog?
Perhaps for all of us.

No, B doesn't need any but I'll take two thanks.

I have to go now.... round 2 is here.

PS My birthday is tomorrow (Tuesday) so please focus all your birthday wishes into a miracle that involves sleep and dreams of puppies and chocolate motherlode cake and wash board abs.



  1. Oh my lands, girlfriend. {hugs} or maybe not, you may not want a hug {fist bump} all I can say is that it WILL GET BETTER! Stay strong. They can smell fear. ;)

  2. Oh my!!! I am exhausted just reading that!! :) This sleep training business is no fun! I hope round 2 allows you to get more sleep. Looking forward to reading your next blog!
    Happy bday tomorrow!!

  3. A couple of my friends have had sleep training issues, and actually what they both had to do was have Dad just do it. I know Craig works, but if he can swing one night of doing might help.

    They found that their babies would get way more worked up if they went in and then left them...since they were the one's with them all the time. I don't know if you see a difference between when you go in vs. Craig. But just wanted to pass this info along.

  4. P.S. Happy Birthday

  5. oh girl that is SO HARD! great job on being strong. you are a rock star!!! keep going. he'll figure it out soon...i PROMISE.

  6. Wow! I know it is hard to hear him cry and not go in and comfort him.
    He is old enough that he shouldn't need that nightime bottle. He should be driking around a quart of milk (formula) a day, usually in 4 bottles by this age. One for each meal and one at bedtime.
    He should also be down to one long nap in the afternoon.
    I know every child is different and when they start a growth spurt it changes, but I have raised 3 of them and all three slept through the night by 4 months. I didn't let them miss a daytime feeding and it worked every time. Yes, there was a transition away from the nighttime feeding. If they didn't finish that bottle I knew that it was more for comfort than hunger and dropped it.
    Now is also a good time to give him a lovey. Something he can use to soothe himself like a stuffed animal or blanket.
    Good luck and my prayers are with you and Craig this week.

  7. Oh, that is rough. Or, should I say ruff? (*cheeesy*) My dog gets reverse sneezing, too. I can't believe you had that on top of your sweet Peanut's tough night.

    Just remember, you are a GREAT Mama and you can do this! He will learn how to sleep and when he does could he come teach my baby Cricket?

    I hope you have a half awake birthday full of all the coffee, chocolate and martinis the world can hold. And, of course lots of happy (well rested) Peanut kisses!

  8. Ah! I know the hell of which you speak! It's okay though! You are doing great. It won't last much longer. I don't wanna be the non-solicited advice giver, but in the interests of giving you more sleep, I'd say stop the nighttime feedings altogether, cold turkey, tonight, and start Peanut to sleep way earlier, like 6:30 or 7:00 pm. Our hardest lesson was "sleep begets more sleep". The book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth was really helpful for us. The take home message in the book: early bedtime=longer sleep time. It's not intuitive, but it really works! It just takes a bit of perseverance (and a heart of steel haha!).


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