If you recognize what that picture is than you've felt my pain. That first week after having a baby is a doozy.
Not only do you have this tiny, fragile being to take care of but it's now become a 12 step and 40 minute process to do things that were once very easy. Things like urinating. That's right, I'm talking about urination on the blog.
It's OK because I've given birth which means I've been initated into this group of women who share information that involve words like stitches and tearing without feeling faint. Actually, sometimes thinking about it does make me feel faint. My point? After words like episiotomy, words like urination are nothing.
In the hospital you are accompanied by a nurse who takes you thru this entire process to go potty. That is, after you've somehow scooted to the edge of the bed and very gingerly walked/waddled/winced your way to the bathroom.
You are provided with a number of things to use in a very specific order. There are the sexy mesh underwear which are also used as a way to make sure your husband doesn't even think about making any advances...ever. The fact that countless women told me to take all the mesh underwear from the hospital is a testament to how life has changed. I mean, I trying to get my hands on mesh underwear... and I don't mean mesh in the cute, sexy way.
Also in your new arsenal is the water bottle squirty thing (don't even think about wiping), the Tucks and the spray that is supposed to help with pain and discomfort. Oh and the pads. When the nurse handed one to me I laughed because I might as well be wearing Depends... then she handed me a second one.
You have to learn to sit on the toilet in a way that doesn't feel like you are going to further break/pull/tear something that has already been broken. Eventually the process begins and you swear to yourself that you will be forever grateful when and if you ever, ever feel normal again.
Not that you really have hopes of ever feeling normal again.
I just wanted to be able to sit without having to evaluate how I was going to do it. Of course, after trying 38 different positions of sitting towards my hip I realized I was never going to sit comfortably. I don't even want to think about the time I sneezed without realizing how it jolts your entire body. I lived in fear of coughing or sneezing for weeks.
The healing process is crazy (and odd and painful) to say the least. Even more bizarre is the fact that we ever consider going thru this process again.
That, my friends, is why God made babies so cute. It's amazing how an adorable little peanut will make breaking your hoo-hoo all worth while.
"Daddy says this outfit makes me look like an Alaskan gnome."
Alaskan gnomes are my favorite. Also I'm really beginning to rethink this whole baby thing after reading your blog. I like my hoo-hoo just the way it is thankyouverymuch. Lol. Seriously you've given me a lot to consider...
ReplyDeleteHow cute is Ryder in his winter hat and little uggs!!! luvuallbye
ReplyDeleteThis made me LOL. I had an episiotomy with Q, and only slightly tore with Sprig, and can I just tell you that tearing is the way to go?! Oh my word, it was a much faster heal, and hurt WAY less. I was sore for 6 week with the episiotomy, and only maybe a day or two with a tear.
ReplyDeleteThose peri bottles come in handy for all sorts of things, sanitize it and hang on to it. You'll thank me later. ;) LOVE the peanut picture (all of them you've posted lately, his newborn shoot is precious!) his little hat is so cute!
oh my goodness this post is hilarious...seriously I remember that arsenal, oh yes I do...and the pain, and trying to sit in 100 different positions only to realize it is easier to stand for heaven's sake! :) But for some reason, cough cough we do it again, but believe me you don;t forget like women say you do, oh no I remember birth like it was yesterday, I just trying to not think about it now, in fact I think the 1st time around is the easiest, cause you don't know what you are in for! :) peanut is darling in ANYTHING!
ReplyDeleteyeah...I had to buy a blow up donut to sit on too...and the boppy I was supposed to use for nursing was what I sat on half the time too...lol...I finally just spent like 2 weeks in my bed laying down...it was the only thing that helped. good times. I may refer future mom friends to this post...lol...a warning...it helps to know what to expect.
ReplyDeleteLOL
ReplyDeleteI have an entire basket filled with those Sexy Post Baby Goodies in my closet. I wrote a post just like this one way back when ;) Oh the mesh panties...quite humbling.
Ummm those are the things I am still trying to forget...thank you very much;0!! Just kiddin'. Look at him. Worth every extra step and inconvenience. He's just precious Dawn.
ReplyDeleteI love that you talk about these things. These are the real issues that I want to be prepared for when it's my turn! YIKES. I'm glad you're healing now you poor thing. Definitely good thing babies are just so darn cute. I love the Gnome look, he's working it.
ReplyDeleteI remember telling my sister in law what she needed to pack in her hospital bag. The fear and disbelief in her eyes said it all...
ReplyDelete2nd time was a much less difficult recovery - I promise! X
He is sooo precious! I was having a little bit of a bad day, so figured I'd stop by here and get a little baby fix!
ReplyDeletexxoo,
Grandma Rocky
I had two C sections but I can still relate to this... esp. the mesh underwear! Ha!
ReplyDeleteOMG! I am new to your blog and let me tell you that this may be one of my all time favorite posts!! I love it when someone can be so candid and real about the obviously glamorous parts of being a mom. I can remember 13 years ago, like it was yesterday, putting on my first pair of mesh panties and thinking, "what on earth have I done to myself!" The answer to that question has been revealed to me in many ways over the last 13 years and I wouldn't change a thing.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Your Peanut is rockin' the gnome look!
I had two c-sections, but was given and had to use all of the above, except the Tucks ;)I loved those mesh undies after the c-section's it was soft to have over my boo boo. Oh and the bottle squrty thing was my friend for many weeks. HA! I would do it all over again in a heart beat.
ReplyDeleteGod's gift to women is the unbelievable ability to completely forget/block out all the bad memories of child birth and sort of gloss over the horrific pain and discomfort of it all with something that seems totally manageable and all we are really left with is a beautiful baby. I'm pretty sure that's how we agree to do it all again. ;o)
ReplyDeleteI remember at six weeks post delivery wondering if I would EVER feel normal again "down there." I can attest that you DO get your body back, but it does take a while so be patient and let your beautiful baby boy distract you from the doubt that it will EVER happen. It will. I promise.
ReplyDeleteJaxx
P. S. Has your hair started falling out by the handful yet? Teehee. Sorry, just had to throw that one in. I'm evil. Something else to ponder besides your sore, abused binker.
Ah, the mesh panties! Okay, I'll have to admit that I loved them --if only because I could just chuck them out after every wear.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I've almost forgotten all about what you'd written above. Mommy brain. That's why I'm still open to having a 3rd one... :)
Love it. Still, just a recent memory for me.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't even blow my nose for the first week.
It is crazy that we even consider doing this more than once.
And to think, my husband is afraid of a little snip.
Yes, but a cute Alaskan gnome. The cutest ever.
ReplyDeleteTucks..my mom had this round metal tin with the name Tucks on the front when I was a kid. It was filled with sewing pins. Not a bad metaphor sewing pins....pain. Maybe she didn't want to forget? As for me, well I had no idea what Tucks were back then. Things change.
I have to agree with others that you DON'T forget it! In fact your post made me remember it all in acute detail, wince in pain, and cross my legs tightly! And while urination was bad enough, the mere thought of pooping practically made me have a panic attack. BUT, it does all eventually go back to normal - but it takes longer than the 6 weeks for sure. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteAnd your little gnome is adorable! Definitely makes it worth it!
I'm so glad somebody else talks about this stuff. I mean, all my friends must have hoo-hoos designed perfectly for childbirth. They were sitting cross-legged like 2 hours after delivery. Me? Well my hoo-hoo didn't take well to delivery...let me tell you. I was in pain for MONTHS!! No joke! Nobody believes me! And I totally get that you have to PLAN sitting down. I remember watching other, normal, un-postpartum people just plop down on the couch and I'd think wistfully, "ah what a luxury that nonchalant sitting thing is". My bathroom was stocked just like yours--that numbing spray was like gold to me. And the Tucks pads? Ah, they were in the fridge so they'd be nice and cold while I wore them tucked into my enormous pad-laden mesh undies. Oh my goodness, you are bringing back memories that I thought I had blocked out forever! At least now you're giving me a good chuckle about my wincing-in-pain days!
ReplyDeletePS I now use that squirt bottle thing for my dish washing liquid at the kitchen sink. That seems just wrong to me now. I mean, really? Can you say gross? Can someone please get me a dishwashing liquid dispenser for Christmas? That thing was in my bathroom and near my hoo-hoo for months about 4 years ago. I am SO weird.
ReplyDeletePPS. Yes, third comment. This must be my favorite post of yours of all time. Just wanted to say that it's so awesome that you say your hoo-hoo is "broken" because it SO IS!!! That's the perfect way to describe it! I told my cousin on the phone after giving birth to Grace that I thought it felt like there was fruit growing out of my hoo hoo. And she said, you mean like strawberries? And I said, NO! Like a PINEAPPLE!! Ouch! Prickly!
ReplyDeleteBut "broken" probably would have been a better way to put it. :o)
Too funny Dawn! When I saw the "mesh panties" I thought instantly "birthing", I clicked the link and saw a photo that clearly was taken in my bathroom 13yrs ago! Good description of everything. You have to admit, the mesh panties give you an odd sense of security!
ReplyDeleteOMG Dawn, you are freaking me out. I don't want to know. I just want to go in blind and find this stuff out when it's too late to go back.
ReplyDeleteHahaha! You can do it Mara!!
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