Running on Empty

This sweet little boy, so full of curiosity and wonder,

sometimes quiet, sometimes brimming with excitement,

this boy that has never had a meltdown while we're out,

who loves to sit for story time,

this boy that plays happily by himself,

chatting noisily, laughing randomly,

this sweet little boy,

is going to be the death.of.me.if.he.doesn't.start.sleeping.soon.

Dear. God.  Help.  Me.

He has never been a good sleeper.

Even as a newborn when everyone said that he would be sleeping all the time... well he didn't.

And naps?  Naps are a whole different post.  A series of posts.

Naptime is a battle unto itself.

He hates sleeping.  He hates naps the most.

The thing is, he never gets all that grouchy.

But he needs them, you can see it in the bags under his eyes and 

when we don't get enough napping in, well bedtime is a nightmare.

He's never slept thru the night really.  

He would wake twice to drink a bottle and then go right back to sleep.

Getting him to drink a bottle during the day is nearly impossible.

He'll take in a few ounces of fluid a day, no matter what I'm trying to give him.

It didn't matter much because he was relatively easy to put to bed and 

wasn't up for long those 2 times a night.

In the beginning of July he slept for 9 hours straight which was the longest since birth...

 and he was 8 months old.

That week he slept 8 or 9 hours a night, once was actually 10 hours and I nearly threw a party for it.

Then the teething started.  He cut 5 teeth in less than 2 weeks and gave up sleep.

I thought that after the teeth thing settled then we would go back to sleeping.

Only we didn't.

Saying we didn't is an colossal understatement.

The child's sleeping pattern is getting worse.

At first he would just wake every 3 hours or so and want to down a bottle.

Right around that time he learned to stand, waking, standing and screaming for me to come get him.

Before this he would just roll around until he went back to sleep.

Standing really threw a wrench into things.

Now the kid is up ALL THE TIME.

Oddly enough he's started taking in 12 or so ounces a day but still wants at least 2 full bottles a night.

 Either way he is still up constantly.

He has completely lost the ability to put himself back to sleep.

Sometimes he takes a bottle and goes right back to sleep but I'm still required to get up and get him.

Yes, I know that bottle will rot his teeth.

If he's had enough formula for the day then I just give him water.....

not that I care because when I'm up for the 30th time in a night I would give him vodka if it meant I could sleep for 2 straight hours.

This last week he's been up every 45 minutes to an hour.

And he gets up screaming.  It starts with a cry and escalates to a scream faster than the speed of light.

Occasionally he falls asleep the minute I pick him up.

He just wants to be held and often wakes the moment I put him down.

A few nights ago he even fell asleep on the changing table as I was changing his diaper.

And yes, at this point I think crying it out would be a darn good idea.

The thing is... I live in an apartment and we share 2 walls and a floor with neighbors.

If it even crossed your minds that they would be understanding then you are sadly mistaken.

I mean, hey, I'm tired of waking up too 

but the downstairs neighbors can't even take the daytime pre-nap crying.

I'd been letting him cry at nap time when it didn't stress me 

that the neighbors were being tortured out of sleep.  

Someone else shared with me a that a week or so ago when Peanut was crying,

the downstairs neighbor proceeded to slam the windows shut whilst screaming

"Shut the @%&# up!".  

Not that I heard her, or that I've ever had a conversation with her, or even know her name...

but really?  She couldn't talk to me?

She thought that screaming profanities would make things better?

We've lived here for years and never had a problem, although they just moved in last year.

I should've known something was up when I noticed her dart for her door as I was coming up the walk.

None of the other neighbors have any complaints and apparently have told her that Peanut is just a baby and baby's sometimes cry.

Anyway, I don't think crying it out is an option.

Unless you want to let me come live with you when we get evicted.

I should add that he would sleep longer in bed with us.

In the mornings he wakes around 5 or 6 and I always bring him back to bed with us, 

where he sleeps happily for another couple hours.

I just don't want him in bed with us all night.

Mama needs her space.

I never sleep that well with him up against me, sweating and kicking and making noises,

while he and his daddy take up the whole bed,

and I hang on for dear life on the edge.

A night here or there is fine.  It's nice even.

But it's not something that I want to do when he is freaking out every hour.

I don't want it to be a reward for his constant waking.

But I need sleep and B needs sleep

and I suppose Peanut needs sleep but he doesn't seem to be bothered by this new arrangement.

It's like having a newborn again... only worse because I have waaaaaay less patience.

We're running on empty here. 

Pray that Peanut will start sleeping so I'm not forced to leave him on some doorstep.

Baby for sale!

And then sometimes in the mornings, after a particularly rough night,

he will wake up and pat my face and give me kisses and pull my arm around him to snuggle some more.

I'll look at him (through my stinging bloodshot eyes) and think about how God knew what he was doing when he made this kid so cute, because really if he weren't, oh man, we'd be in a world of trouble.