A person can only go so long without a sufficient amount of sleep before things start to crumble around the edges.
As B is working I usually make sure he gets at least 6 or 7 consecutive hours of sleep. After that I would wake him for his turn taking the baby. We had it worked out so that he would wake early and take the baby, allowing me to get some much needed sleep.
In that first month, specifically those first few weeks this was a very difficult task. When the Peanut would wake I would take him into the nursery to feed and change him. As soon as I got the baby back into bed I would sit down to pump.
As I sat there pumping I would watch the minutes passing by.. every minute up was a minute I could have been sleeping. Start to finish the process would take roughly an hour.
I would climb back into bed knowing the baby would be up in 45 minutes to an hour. Just the thought would make we want to cry.
Some nights I would secretly curse at B.... the man who doesn't even wake when the baby is crying 2 feet from him. The man sleeping soundly while I counted the 3 more feedings I would have to endure. Alone. While he slept.
Sure I could just wake him and ask him to take a late night feeding. He wouldn't have minded but that wasn't the point.
How could he not wake up everytime the baby moved let alone cried?!
One particular morning Peanut started to cry. The sun was starting to rise and it was a clear indication it was B's turn to feed and change our baby. But B didn't hear Peanut. As usual. ~huff~
I nudged him and he turned over. He turned over but he did not wake.
~glare~
So I kicked him. I kicked him and said, "Hey. It's your turn."
He woke up and said OK. But OK wasn't good enough. He was supposed to take the baby so I could sleep. I mean, how could I sleep if he didn't even hear the baby?! How could I sleep if I had to tell him to get up. The baby was crying now and I couldn't sleep when the baby was crying!
GET UP! I mean, I wanted to see him leap from the bed and rush to the bassinet. NOW!
After that B did get up and he did rush to the baby. I turned over and dozed off grumpily.
That's when I heard it. The sound of B talking happily to Peanut. He was sitting in our bed, inches away from me... and he was happy.
The nerve.
My eyes flew open as I waited for the silence to come... the silence that would allow me to sleep. Oh but it didn't come because someone had the nerve to be happily chatting only inches from me.
I'd been up approximately 96 times, raising our child while he was sleeping his life away and now he was trying to drive me crazy. I couldn't stand it anymore. I couldn't stand it just one more second.
I'M TRYING TO SLEEP AND I CAN'T DO THAT WITH YOU RIGHT HERE! I CAN HEAR YOU. I CAN HEAR THE BABY. I JUST NEED SOME SLEEP. WHY CAN'T I JUST HAVE SOME SLEEP!
There may have been some whimpering, some hysterical looks and a few blubbers here and there. All on my part.
So B picked the Peanut up and left the room. He was probably running for cover but he didn't say a word. He's a smart man and he just got out of dodge.
My point? When mommy has a meltdown just nod and smile and back out of the room slowly.
Scratch that... smiling could get you killed in a situation like that. Just nod, apologize for whatever you did wrong (like existing) and get out.
The End.
P.S. No B's or Peanut's were injured or permanently damaged in the making of this memory.
P.P.S. I slept for several hours and woke up refreshed and ready to start the day. I did this after apologizing to B and then I warned him to move fast when it's his turn. It was a rollercoaster around here.
P.P.P.S. Peanut slept for 8 straight hours last night. It was bliss.
Oh Dawn! So familiar! You wouldn't believe the raging thoughts I can have at night when I'm weary! X
ReplyDeleteThat must have been so hard each night, exhausted! So happy Ryder is sleeping good now! Eight hours ,,,oh my goodness!!! Yeah!!! luvuallbye
ReplyDeleteOh, I remember! That was the hardest part for me, the lack of sleep. I'm glad for you that Peanut is getting into a better sleep routine.
ReplyDeleteOh, I have so been there! My husband wakes up and says "The baby slept thought the night! " and I have to tell him that the only person who slept through the night was him. Sleep deprivation is an evil thing.
ReplyDeleteHoly Cow! That was a trip down memory lane for me too!!! I've been through that torture with every single child and I don't know about B and Peanut (although from the pictures it looks like it might be this way at your house too) but every time I would reach exhaustion and Jeff would take the baby they would have the nerve to take a nice, long, peaceful nap together!
ReplyDeleteThanks for putting this into words. I'm going to have to make Jeff read this! ;)
☺ Celeste
oh yes. I hear ya. my husband can sleep through anything. it is aggravating :)
ReplyDeleteOh, you took me back. Well said. I hope you are getting more sleep. I does get better, hang in there.
ReplyDeleteAn earthquake is the only thing that makes Daddy fly out of bed in our house ... men just don't have the "talent" of waking at every wimper our babies make like we do!
ReplyDeleteTony's motto since we had kids ... 35 years ago ...
ReplyDelete"When Mom is not happy, ain't nobody happy."
Amen.
Oh my how I do remember those days. I DO NOT do well without sleep. Thank heavens they grow out of the middle of the night feedings and life does resemble normalcy before too long!
ReplyDeleteOh man, I know this all too well. Its amazing how men can sleep through that and we hear every, single sound.
ReplyDeleteHappy to hear that peanut slept so long! Jealous, but happy!
Haha you make me laugh!! Oh, we are so alike! Love this "apologize for whatever you did wrong (like existing)" AHA!! Totally!
ReplyDeleteBeen there, done that!
ReplyDeleteBeen there. :) The funny thing, though, is that I probably wouldn't mind doing it all over again one more time. :)
ReplyDeleteOh, have to clarify that I meant going through the whole hormonal thing that seems to go with the territory when one has a baby. :)
ReplyDeleteOh sweet girl, we have all been there! Don't your fret, Peanut will sleep one day but you will feel like crap until he does;-)
ReplyDeleteThis to shall pass. That is what I told myself every.single.day when Caden was little. LOL!
I'm so behind on blogs!! But I just read every word, and went, "UH HUH... ain't nothing like lack of sleep to make a mama lose her mind!!" (speaking for myself, of course.) I don't think I'll EVER sleep all the way through the night ever again. But... that said, it's MUCH better when they get just a tiny bit older. Hang in there sweetie!
ReplyDeleteBless you guys! As a mum of four I know these feelings inside out! The immortal words "Your Turn" are only truly understood by those with babies! If you can laugh together later, at some stage, (maybe when they are 13!), you are doing ok!! Apologising is A*! Those early days make you dig so deep. Your blog is gorgeous, BTW - discovered it via Alice @ Crumbs - who I miss.
ReplyDeleteThe meltdowns are normal and will pass. When I was pregnant, I read the first two of Jenny McCarthy books and in one of them, she talked about sweating out the hormones when her baby turned 9 months old. I didn't sweat out my hormones, but at 9 months the hormonal roller coaster stopped.
ReplyDeleteYay for 8 hours Peanut! GREAT job!!!
ReplyDeleteThis made me LOL, because it's the gospel truth! ;) One time I woke up B in the middle of the night and informed him I'd lost Q in the sheets. He informed ME that Q was across the house in his room, and I told HIM that he didn't know anything....then I woke up. And have never lived it down. Oy. Jealous of your 8 hours in a row!
ReplyDelete